Back of My Head

Recently I found something, perhaps a habit or a memory which I have probably put it away for a very long time, it is actually something positive but I just forgot bout it, completely.

Recently I met a friend and showed him around Singapore, he told me I come across as an unhappy person, pessimist and skeptic. I refuse to admit at 1st but then I realise, yes I have changed into those 3 things which I just said and I hate it, maybe that's why I hate being here thinking that this place actually changed me into someone who I do not want to be.

The truth is just that I changed and I blame it on the place which I am living. I was too unhappy that I became something which I do not even like it, which adds on to my unhappiness.

It made me wonder, what happened to the old me which was very much myself? Maybe I just threw him to the back of my head and locked him up.

At that point I realise that I have found the source of my unhappiness, which is rejecting the place that I am in for what it is and thinking that I do not belong here. Just to sum it all up, previously I just hate this place and hate myself for being in this place. Which is probably why I am so unhappy.

Let's face it, I will not get everything I want but I have to live with it. It all brings me back to when I first went over to Germany, where I hated everything and rejected everything. I even refused to speak German to anyone. Life was miserable at that point, probably the lowest but I manage to tell myself, "Live with it, something great might happen"

I realise that what made me go on each day, being happier or accepting and started to immerse into the culture was waking up everyday telling myself, "Today is gonna be a great/good/wonderful day"

It actually works and from Sunday onwards, I've been telling myself every single time I wake up, embracing the new day by saying "Today is gonna be a great/good/wonderful day"

I am a much happier person now, I missed me (What a weird thing to say)