I don't understand, when I reveal that I am not pure blooded and that I am this this and this, people say I am Kristang, Serani, etc which means people who are Asian but have Portuguese blood in it, I am not Christian by the way.
It's not like I go around telling people I am mixed, people just notice, somehow.
This girl from my French class, asked so loudly, hey E*****, you're not a Chinese right. I just smiled and say a little and you do not wanna know what happened.
I can't help but remember. Cos Singapore has a significant amount of mixed race people, so they generally know when they see one, unlike Malaysia.
You know what's so hard bout being mixed? Sometimes you are not accepted by the community, even these modern days.
Yes yes I look very Asian, I am proud of it. But people would know I am neither or, no matter how hard I keep it.
Sometimes it is like a curse you know. People would ask why do you have such a weird name, even a teacher asked, why do you spell your name wrongly? Hello! it's a Portuguese name, bitch! And it's my name, take it! My family went through a lot of changing process, we changed our names actually. So the arrangement of my name in my birth certificate is wrong. My brother's name is always pronounce wrongly and my name as well. People will always call me Edison, which is WRONG!!!! Wrong, bitch, wrong! ARGH
So much hassle for nothing......
107 days
Monday, April 21, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The Visit and The Trip
So Robert to Penang and I met him in the airport and took him to the hotel. We spent the evening together around the beach strip and went to Gurney Plaza for dinner and we spoke for a very long time about him and his ex. It is very sad for things to end up like things but at least he found it out earlier than later......
It is really nice to meet him after 6 months or more. He changed a little bit I think. He looks like stress and depression has taken over him. Well I think he needed a break that's why I insisted that he came to Penang for a holiday.
The following day, I met him for breakfast. It was nice having breakfast with him, we talked over stuff as usual. Then we embark on our journey around Penang......
We took the bus until Komtar and walked around the herritage trail and ended up at the promenade. Then we walked back to Komtar again to have a drink. After that, we went to Penang Hill. It has changed a lot. The view is nice. I think we got the sun burn for walking hours around the herritage trail. We got lost several times and it is all my fault cos I am not a good map reader. The thing is I know other cities better than my own hometown, I don't know why. We stayed in Penang Hill for a few hours and went to Gurney for dinner again.
The whole trip was actually nice well for me and I think for him too. At least it helps him get his mind off some things. It is really nice to meet an old friend again. Although my relationship with Robert did not work last time, we make good friends and I think it is great too.
I am flying back this Thursday and it is also my 2 months anniversary with my dear. I can't wait to see him again. 112 more days.
I am getting tired of writing these days or weeks cos I am back home and I have so many things to do especially with my family and friends. Being with them makes me feel human again, that is what I don't really feel in Singapore. I need to find things to do in Singapore or not I might get depression and gastric again.......
It is really nice to meet him after 6 months or more. He changed a little bit I think. He looks like stress and depression has taken over him. Well I think he needed a break that's why I insisted that he came to Penang for a holiday.
The following day, I met him for breakfast. It was nice having breakfast with him, we talked over stuff as usual. Then we embark on our journey around Penang......
We took the bus until Komtar and walked around the herritage trail and ended up at the promenade. Then we walked back to Komtar again to have a drink. After that, we went to Penang Hill. It has changed a lot. The view is nice. I think we got the sun burn for walking hours around the herritage trail. We got lost several times and it is all my fault cos I am not a good map reader. The thing is I know other cities better than my own hometown, I don't know why. We stayed in Penang Hill for a few hours and went to Gurney for dinner again.
The whole trip was actually nice well for me and I think for him too. At least it helps him get his mind off some things. It is really nice to meet an old friend again. Although my relationship with Robert did not work last time, we make good friends and I think it is great too.
I am flying back this Thursday and it is also my 2 months anniversary with my dear. I can't wait to see him again. 112 more days.
I am getting tired of writing these days or weeks cos I am back home and I have so many things to do especially with my family and friends. Being with them makes me feel human again, that is what I don't really feel in Singapore. I need to find things to do in Singapore or not I might get depression and gastric again.......
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wondering
I was just wondering, I wanted to write something actually.
I have my doubts.
He is adding lots of people in Friendster. Maybe it is auto accept or things but I have feelings too, especially those are his 'admirers'.
Why didn't he change his profile in a website to no longer looking for hookups with other guys? He just logs in and out to check stuff and too busy to update his profile.
Always too busy, new branch, directors, investors, new office, clients, etc
I need some assurance from him again. I know I got it last month, I guess I am an over insecure person but this is how I feel in the 1st 3 months and this time he is so far away. I am very sleep and tired now, I should not wait for the reply anymore. Off to sleep!
I don't know much, but I know I love you.
I have my doubts.
He is adding lots of people in Friendster. Maybe it is auto accept or things but I have feelings too, especially those are his 'admirers'.
Why didn't he change his profile in a website to no longer looking for hookups with other guys? He just logs in and out to check stuff and too busy to update his profile.
Always too busy, new branch, directors, investors, new office, clients, etc
I need some assurance from him again. I know I got it last month, I guess I am an over insecure person but this is how I feel in the 1st 3 months and this time he is so far away. I am very sleep and tired now, I should not wait for the reply anymore. Off to sleep!
I don't know much, but I know I love you.
Waiting...............Patiently, seriously
Being back home is great and all. I met all my friends, or most.
We did some video together but it was abandoned cos one of them have to go back and the guy is the camera guy.
I know this blog is getting lame, I have lost interest in it already cos I find it boring for the readers to just read stuff bout me and my partner.
I need some will power for this blog to carry on.
I am getting irritated of waiting for my partner's reply. He has almost never reply my smses since I came back home. He writes e-mails instead cos he has been seriously busy. But I guess he has just been so worked out and stressed that he can't send me smses? I don't think so. Just a simple one would do or just answer my questions.
I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. It would be nice if people wait for me sometimes. I wait for my friends at the mall, I wait for my parents to pick me up after classes, I wait for my partner to reply to my smses. It's rare that people wait for me.
I am meeting Robert tomorrow, most probably. He is flying from Singapore to Penang for a holiday/vacation after a break-up with his bf. Robert and I dated briefly. But of course now it's all friendly kind of thing. That is why I wrote to my partner to ask if he's ok with me meeting Robert, no reply. I called him but the line was bad. South African mobiles have really bad connection, always me wasting my money trying to ask if he hears me, lame. Anyways I just asked him out of respect and also to assure him. Maybe he is already well-assured? I dunno, an answer via sms would be nice. Or maybe just too busy to even care.......... It's kinda sad actually..... I feel neglected.
I wrote him like 4 or 5 smses and stuff. It is up to him to reply now. I am tired of waiting for his replies which turns out to be a disappointment. He can drench himself in work, as a partner I would have to support him in whatever he does. Not that I have much of a choice. It's late over here now, good night.
117 days to go
We did some video together but it was abandoned cos one of them have to go back and the guy is the camera guy.
I know this blog is getting lame, I have lost interest in it already cos I find it boring for the readers to just read stuff bout me and my partner.
I need some will power for this blog to carry on.
I am getting irritated of waiting for my partner's reply. He has almost never reply my smses since I came back home. He writes e-mails instead cos he has been seriously busy. But I guess he has just been so worked out and stressed that he can't send me smses? I don't think so. Just a simple one would do or just answer my questions.
I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. It would be nice if people wait for me sometimes. I wait for my friends at the mall, I wait for my parents to pick me up after classes, I wait for my partner to reply to my smses. It's rare that people wait for me.
I am meeting Robert tomorrow, most probably. He is flying from Singapore to Penang for a holiday/vacation after a break-up with his bf. Robert and I dated briefly. But of course now it's all friendly kind of thing. That is why I wrote to my partner to ask if he's ok with me meeting Robert, no reply. I called him but the line was bad. South African mobiles have really bad connection, always me wasting my money trying to ask if he hears me, lame. Anyways I just asked him out of respect and also to assure him. Maybe he is already well-assured? I dunno, an answer via sms would be nice. Or maybe just too busy to even care.......... It's kinda sad actually..... I feel neglected.
I wrote him like 4 or 5 smses and stuff. It is up to him to reply now. I am tired of waiting for his replies which turns out to be a disappointment. He can drench himself in work, as a partner I would have to support him in whatever he does. Not that I have much of a choice. It's late over here now, good night.
117 days to go
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Queensbay Mall
Hmmm Queensbay Mall is like the biggest mall in Penang and I feel that it sucks.
It is HUGE and confusing. I was there with my family today I we had a hard time finding the entrance from the car park to the mall. They go there like every week. We were not the only one, most of the people that were with us were lost too. The management should do something.
There was a fashion show there from Bonia. It is kinda nice I think but the models are not that good cos the ladies especially do not have nice legs as they have scars or those veins that we can see. I mean it should have shinny skin.
Going for dinner later, my aunt's birthday :)
122 more days!!!!
It is HUGE and confusing. I was there with my family today I we had a hard time finding the entrance from the car park to the mall. They go there like every week. We were not the only one, most of the people that were with us were lost too. The management should do something.
There was a fashion show there from Bonia. It is kinda nice I think but the models are not that good cos the ladies especially do not have nice legs as they have scars or those veins that we can see. I mean it should have shinny skin.
Going for dinner later, my aunt's birthday :)
122 more days!!!!
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